The Grim Reaper has been exceptionally busy and it’s only the 3rd week of January. To date the world has lost several amazing creatives including music industry icons David Bowie and Glenn Frey. Alan Rickman, one of the world’s great actors, and Celine Dion’s husband René Angélil to name a few.
These notable deaths often affect us deeply because these people touched our nondescript lives through the legacies they left – through their personal and professional lives, their work, their art, their creativity and simply how they lived out their dreams while in human form.
The Grim Reaper got a little too close for comfort yesterday I learned of two men I knew personally who both died suddenly within a day of each other. Both men were in their 60’s, were vital and healthy and only a few years older than me.
Shocked by the news the reactive part of me screams, “Holy Cow! Everybody’s dying!!” There is another part of me that wants to keep my loved ones safe from all harm locked in a protective bubble. I wish I could win an arm wrestling contest with death; my reward, the assurance that my loved ones remain eternally safe and with me forever. How utterly foolish, and yet how human of me to entertain such thoughts.
Last night I pondered my own mortality wondering how long do I have left? Even though my dad lived to a ripe old age of 104, my mother died at 73. So, where does that leave me? Do I have enough time to accomplish everything I want to before I go? Will it matter? Not to my personality, but it probably will matter to my Soul to have accomplished something before leaving the planet.
Surprisingly, after worrying about dying prematurely – meaning before I finish what I came here to do (whatever that is) I woke this morning in a state of high anxiety. Oddly, it wasn’t death I was anxious about, but money, of all things. Questions flooded my still groggy brain, “Would I have enough for this year and years to come, would I outlive my money, or would I die destitute?” What the heck is that about, worrying about having enough money, when I was just worrying about dying?! What’s with the freaking worry already?
I find it ironic that death is the one thing that is guaranteed to bring an end to the most common of human ailments – worry – and its’ cousins, anxiety, fretting, and stress. Having spent so much of my life worrying I have honed it to an art form. I hope that I am not diagnosed with “post-mortem anxiety disorder”!! (That’s a joke!)
I wonder if the two men I knew who had died had worried about anything in the days or hours before they died. I know they both had plans for the future. One, an amazingly talented artist had an upcoming exhibit planned for next month. The other, an energy healer, certainly had client appointments scheduled for the upcoming weeks. If they and others who have died had worried at all while in human form do they see that worrying was a waste of time once they reach the other side?
Over the years, I thought that my worrying was the glue that kept my world together, so I wonder what my life would be like if I could release all of the worry. Would it feel safe to me to worry less, or completely release worrying altogether? I don’t know for sure, but I assume I would live a happier, more carefree life without worry.
What I do know for sure is that worrying takes me out of the ‘present’ and into the future or the past. Projecting into the future brings fear, reminiscing and wondering what I could have done differently in the past just brings guilt and regret. Intellectually, I know the only place I can find peace is in the NOW – the present moment.
I have no control over death, mine or anyone else’s. I can’t control when, where, or how. One thing I can be sure of is that it will happen for me and all my loved ones at some point in time.
What I can control is worry. I don’t have to wait until I die to stop worrying. Life is about choices and I choose to do it differently from now on – or at least as best I can from now on.
I choose to make a conscious effort to release worry as it shows up. When it rears its ugly head I’ll say, “Worry (anxiety, stress what have you), Thank you for trying to take care of me, I know that’s one of the reasons you’re here and I appreciate you, but I choose to live my remaining years, as long that may be, as happily and as carefree as I possibly can. Therefore, I must let you go.”
Then hopefully, if the Grim Reaper unexpectedly taps on me on the shoulder, I can leave the Earth plane without regrets about time I wasted worrying and just focus on all the fun I had while here.