You’re heartbroken because the person you thought was the “one” has turned out to be a schmuck. Just like the others, they mistreated you – maybe through lying, cheating or some other form of disrespect such as verbally, mentally or physically abusing you. The sad part is this isn’t the first time this has happened to you.

All you want, all you ever wanted, is to be loved and respected by a special someone. You long for a partnership that is mutually satisfying on all levels, mental, spiritual, physical and emotional.

It stinks when all you want is lasting love and then it turns sour. Your heart hurts, again. What to do?

First, get good and mad. Anger is a step up from being sad or depressed. Anger is the path that will lead you to resolution and healing. Let’s get clear, I am in no way proposing acting out that anger. I am just encouraging you to shift gears from sad to angry, then from angry to okay, then from okay to understanding, then from understanding to realizing this person is an jerk and doesn’t deserve YOU.

Once you shift your gears here are some tips for getting past it and into a relationship that will never disappoint you ever again!

If you have one, look closely at yourself in a full-length mirror. You may resist this, because there may be parts of you that you just don’t like. I encourage you to look past the imperfections and look closer until you begin to recognize that very special something called, YOU.

Now, take a deep breath and breathe in the truth of who you are.

Breathe in: I am WORTHY, KIND, BEAUTIFUL (inside and out), I am LOVING, and LOVABLE.

Once you realize all of that, then and only then, will you be able to be in a relationship that is POWERFUL and FULFILLING.

To get that lasting love that you have wanted your entire life, that fairytale relationship, you must first love yourself. A positive loving relationship with YOU will bring to you all that you desire. I promise.

Love YOU so much that no matter what someone else does or says no longer define you and therefore, can never hurt you.

You see, when we don’t love ourselves we expect love to come from someone else. When they don’t love us, we feel unworthy, unlovable, and powerless to achieve our love goals.

The solution is to LOVE YOU so much that others get the message of who you truly are. YOU are a DIVINE BEING – created by GOD-CREATOR-SPIRIT-UNIVERSE (use whatever name you like).

That Being that created you, and all of us, is LOVE. Therefore, just as much as you part of both of your parents, you are that which created you.


When we agreed to come into human form and fit our brilliant enormous spirit into a human body – in other words to have a human experience as a spiritual being our number one goal was to learn Self-Love. But, we forgot the plan and began to put everyone else first. In doing so, we put ourselves way down on the list, nearly forgotten. We were willing to take mere crumbs, when we really deserve a banquet to be held in our name.

Through how we love ourselves, we show people how to treat us.

When we really LOVE OURSELVES, it frees us of the opinion and actions of others.

When we really LOVE OURSELVES, we don’t need anyone or anything else, anything outside of us and our connection to our Creator to feel good or loved.

We can of course, desire another, but we will not fall apart if that other acts badly or even leaves us.

In order to be in the best relationship of your entire life you must LOVE YOURSELF FIRST FIERCLY.

I am talking about the kind of love you have for your children, your best friend or innocent animals. You know how you support your child, friend or pet, when someone does or says something to hurt them? Your first reaction is to protect and defend!! You absolutely know what I mean, because I guarantee you do it all the time.

That is fierce love.

The question is, “When was the last time you loved yourself as fiercely? When was the last time you said, “NO!!” to abuse, to disrespect, to being treated less than the Goddess/God you are?”

Look yourself in the mirror, look right into your eyes and make a vow, right now.

Say it out loud with passion and commitment.

“(say your full name), I vow to love you, cherish you and protect you. I vow to never allow you to be abused in any way, whether it is subtle or blatant. I vow to put you first, not in a selfish way, but to establish healthy boundaries – to say “No” when saying yes, would comprise you or your well-being in anyway.”

You might also want to write this in your journal (or your own version adding whatever is powerful and uplifting for you). Make sure you sign it and date it.

Make a commitment to yourself and you will see a difference in how others treat you.

Second to the relationship you have with your Creator/God, the most important relationship you have is the relationship with yourself. Take loving care of YOU and you will reap the benefits of joyful, respectful, loving relationships with others.


©2015 Victorea Luminary   

Victorea Luminary is a Shaman of the Peruvian lineage. She has just unveiled her new program “The Luminary Love Transformation Process for Women”. She practices and teaches a year-long Shamanic Apprenticeship program, as well as other modalities of energy healing such as Emotional Freedom Technique, Reiki, and Eden Energy Medicine. With over twenty years’ experience empowering clients and students to release the self-sabotage behaviors that have kept them stuck. She uses state-of-the-art energy modalities to empower clients and students to take back their power, to gain clarity and become congruent with their goals so they can live their dreams. She has a Master’s in Business Administration and has worked at the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and The American Lung Association.

Victorea Luminary (Andrea E. Mincsak) is a survivor of both overt and covert narcissistic abuse. She has 25+ years’ experience in the healing arts - Angel Intuitive, Shaman of the Inca/Peruvian lineage, Reiki Master/Teacher, Energy Medicine, and EFT/tapping. She uses her experience and training to assist women to develop or increase their self-love, transform the trauma of childhood and/or narcissistic abuse. You can work with Victorea to develop a foundation for positive relationships through self-honoring, healthy boundaries, and self-respect at Website: Facebook: Facebook: Twitter: Instagram: Pinterest: Tumblr: