I sobbed as hard last night reading about the memorial for those 400,019 who died of COVID-19, as I did the day my cousin died from it in August. Finally, we survivors were recognized. Finally, the dead were acknowledged. Finally, the healthcare providers were credited for saving lives and holding the hands of those who passed without families present. It took an incoming president to do the right thing.
Today, I was glued to the Inauguration. Waves of tears slopped around inside my eyes. Splashing over and rolling down my cheeks. With each song, each presentation. With hands placed on bibles. Honorable vows recited. A sense of normalcy returned.
The black musty moldy veil that shrouded the American sun for four long years has been lifted.
A return to the Light.
A friend recently said, “It must be hard for you to watch him.” Why yes, it has been. Today, I felt my shoulders relax for the first time in four years. I knew who he was and what he was capable of because I lived it. Two different men. Both narcissists. The first an overt narcissist – in my face emotionally abusive dragged me into chaos daily. The second a covert narcissist. An exterior as sweet as honey. Oh, the stories he told were so funny. We all laughed at his jokes. Ha ha ha. Until. His rotten gangrened underbelly was exposed. I can still smell the putrid stench of their evil.
For the last 12 years, I encased my chest in armor to protect my tender empathic heart.
Today, I removed the chest plate and placed it aside. Feeling that I no longer need it.
Our new president is a compassionate man. The exact opposite of the sadistic malignant narcissist who reminded me of my exes for the last four years.
We now have adults governing.
I no longer need to be on constant alert watching every news report and reading every article just to feel safe. I can go about my life and take care of myself. Make the best decisions for me. Without worrying that the narcissist in chief will push the nuclear button and annihilate us all.
It’s nearly 3 p.m. and my eyes are still moist. I allow the grief, the fear, the terror, to dissolve with each tear. A cleansing of the old. Making way for the new. Opening to hope and visions of peaceful, united futures.
Our national nightmare is over.
I send up prayers, for those who are still in Kool-Aid comas, that they one day soon will awaken to reality. I know what it is like to believe a narcissist’s lies and be pulled into their dramas. Only to be betrayed again and again. It’s unbearably painful once we realize the truth. That’s what they do. They lie to us. They use us. They discard us. Trust me. Healing can happen. I promise.
Earlier a friend posted a humorous piece he had written. I spontaneously laughed out loud. Ah, it’s good to be able to laugh again. Good to feel relief again.
Thank God the wicked witch is gone and the land of Oz has been returned to the Light. ❤
Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Makes me sob every single time I hear it. But not today. Today I smile.
